A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “It’s dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy ~ “I have a baseball.”
Man ~ “That’s nice.”
Boy ~ “Want to buy it?”
Man ~ “No, thanks.”
Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.
Man ~ “OK, how much?”
Boy ~ “$250?
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy ~ “Its dark in here.”
Man ~ “Yes, it is.”
Boy ~ “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy ~ “$750?
Man ~ “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy ~ “$1,000?
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost.”
“I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “It’s dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again.”
What makes a woman cheat? “I believe people cheat because either their needs aren’t being met in a relationship (physically and/or emotionally), or they are lacking something within themselves and they seek to fill the gap via the relationships outside of the person they are with” says Juliet Allen.
WHY WOMEN CHEAT
“Husbands are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing the first one out”– Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Affairs are usually associated with men, but many clinical research studies suggest that as many women as men have affairs. The stereotype of only men being cheaters has definitely changed. Unlike men who are mostly driven by the sexual act, women are driven by psychological and emotional aspects. These are some of the common reasons why a woman might need an affair:
She feels ignored
In general women need and desire intimacy, physical touch, mental and emotional attention. Women crave for attention from their partners and from now and then they like to hear how beautiful they are and how much she means to her partner. If she is not receiving this from your husband or boyfriend, it will only be a matter of time you seek it from another. Women deprived of attention, compliments and compassion usually have emotional affairs.
That doesn’t mean it won’t lead to romance. When a woman is ignored by her man, what is she supposed to do? What if she’s worked on trying to get his attention and failed time after time? When women are lacking fundamental needs, then it can be pretty normal to seek them where they can find them.
Mary Jones- 27* “Steve* and I had dated for four years, but over time we grew apart we started spending less time together. The intimacy dialed down and we stopped having romance and eventually there was no real physical contact. But I stuck with it because I and Steve got along fine. I started questioning myself if I was responsible, if it was my fault somehow and I’d lost my sex drive for some reason.
Things turned out for the better when I befriended a guy from work. His name started popping up a lot in my emails, our conversations changed from flirting to sexting, and we eventually kissed, and from that day, we couldn’t stop. I couldn’t wait to go to work every day. He was married and I had a boyfriend, the more time we spent together the more we realized how unhappy we were in our relationships. Cheating made me realize how bad things had gotten and how unhappy I was”
SHE IS NOT HAPPY IN THE SACK
“If the affair is the result of you feeling sexually or emotionally abandoned by your partner, then you may feel a degree of justification” says Gary Brown, Ph.D, a Los Angeles based psychotherapist.
A relationship that lacks sexual intimacy is as good as dead to a woman. This is mostly true in a relationship that previously enjoyed an active romance life. Romance is an essential part in any healthy relationship. When there is no sex for a long time, it can be a pointer that the relationship is not going well. It is quite normal that the amount of sex in any relationship will taper with time but if the sex vanishes completely, then something is not right. Maybe there is still sex in the relationship, but it has become bad, bad sex or no sex is equally damaging to a relationship.
It is hard enough being in a relationship where romance is insufficient and if coupled with poor quality performance then it is only a matter of time before it drives her to cheat. Women are more attuned to their sexuality and know what they want in bed. They are more likely to have an affair because of an unfulfilling sex life.
Younger women especially tend to desire more frequent or different types of romance according to Meyers. Younger women often have more opportunities especially with applications like Tinder or OKCupid that connect you with local singles in your area.
“Women have four different reactions to a man’s impotence” says Margaret Ramage, a sexual relationship therapist. First is a feeling that she is not attractive enough or sexy enough. Second is suspicion, the conviction that her partner must be having an affair. Third is the feeling of relief if the woman never enjoyed romance in the first place.
Sometimes it can be a relief for both partners. Some people are no good at making love and never have been and struggle with it throughout their married life, thinking it has to be done because that’s what’s expected of you in a marriage” says Margaret Ramage.
And the fourth is the feat that there’s something seriously wrong with her man, that he must be suffering from say diabetes, or working too hard. “Thirty years ago there was a clear pattern. Men could separate romance and love but women were more likely to have an affair for emotional reasons. Now things are shifting, women are more likely to separate romance and emotions and have an affair for fun but don’t want to leave their husband.” says Susan Quilliam.
A hormone called oxytocin plays a vital role in our urge to bond, before orgasm it has been discovered that the level of oxytocin increases more than three times. The hormone is more intense in women than in men, so women develop a stronger sense of bonding through romance.
“If the two of you are not having as much romance as you used to, she might interpret this as a sign that you don’t find her attractive and that you don’t love her, she might seek someone outside the relationship to validate that she’s still sexually attractive” says Fischoff.
Emily King 32*- “My boyfriend and I were long-distance. My boyfriend would come to town maybe twice a month, there was literally no romance. We have been arguing for a few months and he was so distant, barely talking to me or giving me the time of day. Then my ex came into town. I was at bar when he wrote me a message that he was in town. I drunkenly asked my ex to pick me up. I woke up the next morning disgusted with myself. I walked out clothes in hand. Since that night, I have been so grateful for my friend. If I never cheated on him, I don’t think our relationship would have survived. It made me realize how much I love him”
Ashley 36*-“I lived with my boyfriend, and because he was moving across the country to go to law school and I wasn’t going to go with him or do long distance, he thought we should slowly stop being physically intimate with each other. Then, I met someone who wanted to have romance with me and we had a month long affair and it was hot. My boyfriend and I ended up getting back together a few months after he went away to law school.”
Lots of people feel restrained in their marriages, afraid to really express themselves or tell their partner what they want in the bedroom. Have an affair and you are much more likely to express what you want because it is new and exciting. An affair will also introduce some excitement into your life and you could enjoy some unbelievable health and wellbeing benefits.
SHE WANTS REVENGE
“Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned” is a coined phrase for a reason women can be quite vindictive. He cheated, so she cheats as well. Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. Women might have had a bad past and may have been cheated on, leaving them filled with anger and vengeance. And their way of getting over this pain is by cheating, this gives them a sense of satisfaction and sadistic pleasure.
These women cheat with the purpose of intentionally hurting the other person because he has hurt them so deeply, with the hopes that by doing so the men will experience the pain first hand and he will be discouraged from cheating again.
Katie Stone- 26 “This guy I cheated on was my first love. He had cheated on me several times. I stayed with him because every ounce of confidence I once had was gone. I wanted to break up with him but I felt as though he was the best I could get, and I didn’t deserve any better. I was pushed to my limits and when I was pushed enough, I was pushed right into someone’s arms. A friend of mine started showing interest in me.
We went out for a few drinks and one thing led to another we ended up sleeping together. The guy I cheated on my boyfriend with knew how mentally damaging my relationship was; he was my best friend. If it wasn’t for this guy reminding me what it felt like to be wanted and appreciated, and showing me that I did deserve better, I never would have built up the courage to leave the man I was with. My friend and I never started dating, but we’re still good friends to this day”
THEY FEEL BORED AND LONELY
There comes a time in relationship when men are no longer trying anymore, the routine is the same over and over again. Especially in married life, it’s easy to slip into a routine. You eat the same things every day, go to the same old boring places, do the same boring things every day. You barely have anything in common, and as a woman you find yourself emotionally distant from your man.
You find yourself looking at other prospects and the thought of it just leaves you excited and eventually when the opportunity presents itself then these women are likely to give in to their desires.
This particular reason holds true in a housewife’s case or women who have spouses who are absent for long periods of time for work. These women spend most of their time taking care of their household chores or kids. This routine becomes monotonous and makes them feel lonely. Ages of her children can play a role for a woman to have an affair, once her youngest child is two or three, or when she’s experiencing empty nest syndrome when her kids are teenagers. To fill this void and emptiness, women may opt for romantic relations.
Mary Brown 32*- “I had found myself in a two-year relationship that had lost its luster. One night after I got off work, I tried calling my boyfriend to see if I could come over to his house. A couple minutes went by and he hadn’t answered. To wind up time I decided to attend a party, at the party I ran into my ex, we ended up hanging out for the next hour having the best time. I turned my phone off and decided to deal with my boyfriend in the morning. We stayed up the night playing beer pong, cracking jokes, and reminiscing on old times. He made the first move and we ended up on the floor, clothes in every direction.”
Megan*34-“Cheating for me was a total escape from day to day life, It was exciting. But I’m not sure if it means you shouldn’t be together. I think that depends on the reason why you cheated. In my case, it was like therapy to get through what I was unhappy with in my life. I think it is different for everyone.”
THEY MISS INTIMACY
Intimacy is a personal connection that allows us to feel more in touch with another human being, it is an essential part of romantic life. Women seek intimacy more than men, which is why it becomes one of the top reasons for women to have affairs. Women are emotional creatures and have a need and desire for physical touch and mental attention. Maybe her man is a good husband but he does not find time to keep the connection and spark strong. Kisses, cuddling and holding hands are some of the little but important things that have vanished in the relationship.
When their husbands stop giving them attention they create an incentive to find them somewhere else. Women cherish a good communication they strongly believe it is essential to have a happy relationship. If women feel they are not being listened to they tend to stray to the one who listens to them patiently.
When women feel insecure about themselves they have a need to seek validation from others. This can be in the form of sexual, emotional or intellectual attention. When a woman doesn’t value herself she is likely to project that onto her man. Even if the man loves her completely she might even cheat because she finds hard to believe she is worthy to be loved.
Having an affair can help some women deal with the consequences of time and the perception that desire comes from youthful looks. “An affair can make a women feel more desirable” says Paul Hokemeyer a marriage therapist. Young women feel they can have any man they desire, but when a woman gets beyond thirty years of age she hates the feeling of her glory days slipping away. She thinks she might not have many years under her belt to be desirable to men.
So having an affair can make her realize she still looks beautiful since she still can pick a man even at an older age. Having someone find you attractive and flirt with you is a massive ego boost for some women. The incidence of birthday cheating triples in women who report being in unhappy relationships, according to a survey by http://infidelity.com.
“She will think deeply about her love life and its direction, and if it’s not going the way she planned, she might jump at the chance to correct it with an affair,” says Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a psychologist.
“As women aren’t chained to the sink anymore there’s more opportunity, especially for working women to have an affair” says Christine. For work women often dresses smartly, which may make her to act more confidently which makes her feel more attractive and makes others find her more sexually appealing.
This reason is particularly true for women found in developed countries, where more than half of them earn an income. Women, who make their own money, enjoy working and are good at it. They don’t find it necessary to stay in an unhappy relationship. That feeling of power and independence can be enticing.
We’re human, and temptation can many times be too great to overcome. It doesn’t necessarily make the woman a bad person. It just makes them a ‘weak’ person. Male attention increases rapidly after a boob job, but implant, weight loss and so does a woman’s self- confidence. With all the male attention the temptation to cheat increases and consequently makes it hard for a woman to resist. Once a woman realizes other men beside hers want her she might decide to act on it.
THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED
“There’s an element of truth that men get intimacy from casual sex or and women get it from communication and emotional connection” says Relate counselor Christine Northam. Men often cheat for casual sex or, whereas women cheat seeking emotional fulfillment.
More than physical intimacy, women prefer to have an emotional connection with their partners. This is particularly true of women over the age of thirty. Women who feel emotionally disconnected carry on emotional affairs, this type of years can continue on for years, without ever being detected.
Affairs initiated by women generally last three times longer than those initiated by men. An affair can lead to revitalizing your marriage, it can make you realize how you want to feel emotionally with your husband and create new determination to deal with issues that had drained the energy from your marriage.
Women can cheat as a way of wanting to get out of the relationship, but not wanting to say it out aloud. Sometimes women simply don’t have it in them to end the relationship, and so they leave this decision to their man, practically forcing him to end the relationship because of cheating.
Gabriella 33* “I fell out of love and was too scared to tell him and too embarrassed to admit to myself that the relationship was done. I needed a way to end it by making him end it for me. Cowardice, really”
THEY ARE OVULATING
According to a study in the Journal Hormones and Behavior, she’s more likely to cheat or be unfaithful when ovulating. During ovulation, she is twice as likely to cheat and step out on the relationship or marriage. So if she is not finding her current relationship interesting it makes it easier for her to be attracted to a much different man. Women get hornier when they are ovulating and their bodies are telling them it’s time to reproduce.
“We found that women were most attracted to men other than their primary partner when they were in the high fertility phase of the menstrual cycle. That’s the day of ovulation and several days beforehand,” says Dr. Martie Haselton, UCLA researcher.
THEIR SPOUSE IS INCAPACITED
If a spouse is incapacitated, mentally and/or physically this will force the wife into an affair. One instance is when her husband had a massive stroke, from which the chances of recovery are next to nil. She might become a good wife as expected take care of her husband, but after five long years she might realize how much she yearned for emotional and sexual intimacy of which her husband can no longer provide. An affair can make such a woman feel more alive and confidant and more engaged despite what other people might think of her.